I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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