I'm lost and stupid without you.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
