Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
