Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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