Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
