drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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