I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
it's like heaven, but drunker
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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