Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
