God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
