And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
