apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
