The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
