I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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