apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
