She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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