my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
