Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
