Kiss
Puke
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
