I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
