Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
