I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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