All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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