Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
