Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
