The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
