I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
