I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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