apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
