Someone shit on the floor
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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