I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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