I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
