Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
