That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
