You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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