Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
