If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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