So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize