you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
