thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
