first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
