A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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