Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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