What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Randomize
