Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
