The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
