1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
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