I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
