Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
