my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
