I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
