remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
