Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
